Why shopping malls hurt me.
I’ve been living in Singapore for over a year, and if there’s one thing I’ve learnt from my time here is that shopping malls cause me pain. This is not an exaggeration. The sounds, bright lights and crowds hurt my brain and ears, causing me to abandon my shopping trolley or burst out crying.
I have especially noticed my reactions more while being in Singapore as shopping is a national hobby here. Malls are everywhere! One bad experience I had was while I was doing the grocery shop. I had my list in one hand, my shopping basket in the other and my headphones on. I was ready. Little did I know that I would be bawling my eyes and tearing at my hair because the shop moved the peanut butter section.
Before I was diagnosed with autism, I just thought that I was being overdramatic.”Come on”, I thought to myself, “everyone else can do it, why can’t you?” This thought is all too familiar to autistic people when we compare ourselves to neurotypicals. But, after I received my diagnosis and reading about the things that trigger me, I found out that I have a lot of sensory sensitivities which cause a lot of distress. It’s not a simple trip to the supermarket; it’s a two hour long battle with fluorescent lights and crying kids.
What exactly are sensory sensitivities? Well, autistic people each have unique sensory profiles. We can be hyper-sensitive (over reactive) or hypo-sensitive (under reactive) to our environment. When in a shop or a place that arouses our senses (sight, sound, touch, smell, taste) those of us who are hyper-sensitive will find it extremely difficult to process all this new stimulation. The shrill beeping of the check-out, flickering lights, a customer brushing past our body in the queue — even the cold air from the refrigerator aisle can be unbearable. Hypo-sensitive autistic people may also find these things incredibly annoying; but one person’s sensory nightmare might be another’s sensory paradise. After speaking to a few of my autistic friends, we’ve all agreed that shopping malls were definitely invented by a neurotypical person and should not exist!
Some autistic people may have a sensory profile that’s weighed heavily towards one sense, or we could have sensitivities across all five. For me, I am easily triggered by sound. Here are some of the things that can cause a sensory overload relating to sound:
- Being in a conversation with someone while there are other people talking in the background (if it looks like I’m not listening to you, it’s because I can’t isolate your voice from everyone elses’)
- Overly loud music that’s quite fast (it actually raises my heart rate)
- Talking to people in a restaurant when there is loud music in the background (I can’t hear my voice, or your voice so I’ll just nod along to everything you say).
- Unexpected noises like construction work, crying babies or loud explosions on TV.
It is very hard to completely avoid all triggering sensory stimulation, but having awareness of our unique sensory profiles can make our lives a lot easier. I feel brave enough to tell people that I don’t feel like talking if the environment is a bit noisy. I also now know that I’d much prefer to wait for a food delivery than to venture out to a shopping mall on my day off.
